My In-Law’s Halfway Home Taxi Service
May24

My In-Law’s Halfway Home Taxi Service

Most of my partner’s family and extended family are pretty decent folks when I’m around them. But there is one extended family member who’s tactlessness, selfishness, and pure idiocy fall well within the common Filipino cultural rudeness and tactlessness that you can expect from the average Filipino. I normally decline invites to my partner’s family functions and gatherings (for obvious reasons) with the excuse...

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You Know Your Dealing With a Filipino When,,,,
May23

You Know Your Dealing With a Filipino When,,,,

They can master the smallest keys on the newest cellphone in 5 seconds but 9 keys on an ATM confuses them. Their phone rings and they stand there 5 minutes saying “HALLO, HALLO, HALLO” even though the caller never says a word. They take the most simple task and make it as hard as possible. They cannot keep the electric on, water on or a decent internet yet they talk about opening a nuclear power plant. Your electric meter...

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Filipino Driving Habits
May22

Filipino Driving Habits

Going to drive in the Philippines? Here are a few helpful insights as you try to navigate among drivers that would scare Mad Max. 1.) When you buy a single motorcycle first thing you do is to remove the mirrors. Why? No Western mind knows but it seems filipinos hate mirrors on the two wheelers. 2.) Second thing after buying a single motorcycle is to put a colored lense over the headlight. RED seems to be a very popular choice. 3.) The...

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Fine.  Fuck You.  Bye.
May21

Fine. Fuck You. Bye.

Sometimes, I have this fantasy that plays through my head (not THAT fantasy, you pervs!).  It usually happens when I’m reading the news and I see that some morons in the Philippines congress are bitching about trusting the “double dealing” US, and how the VFA should be junked and the US sent home. I fantasize about Obama hearing this, going out to the rose garden, and making a very short speech that says: “Dear...

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Murder Makes Tobacco Taste Better….
May21

Murder Makes Tobacco Taste Better….

And now another “shake your head sadly moment”, brought to you by the ever-predictable Flip in an SUV.  You know this phenomenon.  You put a Flip in an SUV, and suddenly, they’re not short and stupid anymore.  Nope.  Now they’re tall and stupid, and with a God complex to boot! Such is the case with this tragic tale that occurred on May 3rd, where one idiot was walking diagonally across a street (because...

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Would You Like Some Coffee With Your Sugar
May21

Would You Like Some Coffee With Your Sugar

You’ve all seen them. You know, those strips of sashes hanging in the SORRY SORRY stores 17 steps from your house? The ones you have to try to see in between while attempting to buy your San Mig Grande.  You would think in a tropical country, coffee beans would be plentiful. Maybe they are. Seems “coffee” brands are buying them all up so they can mix 5% coffee with 95% brown sugar to make the gawd-awful sashes of...

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Sir, We Don’t Have
May21

Sir, We Don’t Have

So, I return to the P.I. after a seven year absence.  Now, in Baguio, I have to supply all the necessities for a household.  Yesterday, I bought a heater (it gets chilly in Baguio).  I go to SM Mall and the SM electronics store.  This small electronics only store is staffed with over a dozen employees (practically falling over each other).  I ask for a “heater” and the clerk takes me to the hot-water heaters (behind glass...

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The Tale of Poor Joe & The Frozen Filo Brains
May20

The Tale of Poor Joe & The Frozen Filo Brains

Poor Joe is in his 60’s and hails from the West coast of America. Back on the West coast Joe is a mechanic for anything that has an engine, pretty good one too. Now Joe has a woman in the philippines that has two kids from a pinoy who kinda took off, nothing new there huh? So what Joe does is go to the states for about three months every year to work then return and live the remainder of the year with his woman. So like most...

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7 Basic Traits of a True Failipino
May19

7 Basic Traits of a True Failipino

1. CRAB MENTALITY –  Crabs in a bucket can easily escape from the bucket one at a time, but instead of doing that they pull each other down whenever one rises to the top – thus insuring their collective demise. This is analogous to the behavior of a Filipino who diminishes or pulls down anyone else who achieves or is about to achieve success greater than their own. “If I can’t have it, no one can have...

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